Rise

Well, it's been ages since the last time i wrote a dramatic story. So, these days i'm waiting for Taeyang's new album. And! Finally! After........ how long is it? three years since the first album? well, I don't know much about Taeyang. And nowwwwww i'm listening to it!!! waaaaa his voice is sooo adorable... and it melts me awwwww i wish i can have him to sing for me all night long. Taeyang and I..... together at the night........ letting him singing........ HOAA. everything was great, I was screaming around, melting away when listen to his music... before I read the lyrics..... in english. you know, Taeyang is one of Korean's artist, so his song is all written in Korean, and I don;t know what it means. Then I read the lyrics in english... and it's all touching. and it makes my eyes teary. nope, actually not teary. I'm crying as fuck. Makes me remember the old days........... a year ago..........

these songs make me cry.............. the lyrics are so touching...

03 1AM
Composer: Teddy, Choice37, Boys Noize
Lyrics: Teddy
Arrangement: Teddy, Choice37, Boys Noize

I’m forgetting you one by one, burying memories of you
As if it was just a typical dream, it’s all right
So I try to awkwardly smile once again
When your thick scent passes by me, I die, kills me inside

Stop thinking about her, stop missing her
How can I erase you for today?
So I jump in my car go for a ride
Scream as if I’m crazy, hands in the air

My friends say it’s over, that it’ll be okay
As they comfort me with a smile
But I just want you by my side right now

I mindlessly chat with them
Get drunk in the music
Holding on to the end of the night as I dance
And when I think of you, it’s 1AM

As if I forgot you, I just start laughing
Spending nights with strange faces
Holding on to the end of the night as I dance
And when I think of you, it’s 1AM

I remember your pretty eyes that let me go
So coldly, as if it was nothing
But now I’m indifferent
If you can peacefully be happy, I’m okay with that, it’s okay

That’s a lie, that’s the truth
I get confused thousands of times a day
Should I start seeing someone new?
I start to look, wandering here and there as if I’m crazy

It’s over now, it’s okay
As if it’s nothing, I talk about you
But I just want you by my side right now

I mindlessly chat with them
Get drunk in the music
Holding on to the end of the night as I dance
And when I think of you, it’s 1AM

As if I forgot you, I just start laughing
Spending nights with strange faces
Holding on to the end of the night as I dance
And when I think of you, it’s 1AM

I think of you, my heart aches, I can’t stop thinking about you, can’t stop
I think of you, my heart aches, I can’t stop thinking about you, can’t stop

I mindlessly chat with them
Get drunk in the music
Holding on to the end of the night as I dance
And when I think of you, it’s 1AM

As if I forgot you, I just start laughing
Spending nights with strange faces
Holding on to the end of the night as I dance
And when I think of you, it’s 1AM

1AM song describes my everyday's feeling:" because of heartbreak (causes of that one asshole living in the corner of Java) I distanced myself from anyone else. No, I'm not friendless. I have friends, but I don't have faith in them. I didn't tell anyone what I'm feeling, because I know, even though I tell them, the one who understands myself is me, just me. I helped people because I don;t want them feeling helpless and empty and lonely.. like I did. I told suck things, I told people I don't like that I don't like them, because I was once living in lies and don't want anybody feels the way I was. I was once have friends, make laugh, tell stories, chat over, sleep over, singing like crazy, telling them I love them.. but at the point of time, I kept running, I left them, I distance myself from them, stop calling them, stop having a chit chat and I'm being all alone again. It's not like I don't like them. I like them. But, I'm afraid, they'll forget me someday. It'll be hurt. I'm afraid of giving much love then don't get love as much as i give. I'm afraid of being left by someone someday. They're having their own convos, they make surprises for their friend's birthday, they go eat together. But, I'm not there. I'm feeling left out. So I decided to keep myself at the distance with them. I'm afraid of being hurt and giving love. 

Everytime I lost myself.... I tried to find another personality. One time I can be a happiest person in the world, I laugh, talking without any pause. But at any time, I can be a sarcastic person, throwing sarcasm to everyone, mumbling to someone I don't like, don't care what people say. Sometime I can be someone-that-you-need-to-avoid. And at any time, I enjoy myself alone, don't let anyone get into my area. But sometime, I feel like I lost my true self. I'm finding. I'm trying to figure out, how I should act to make people love me. At time like that, I just throw myself to music. Dancing like crazy, dancing till the end of the night trying to get a thing to be hold. I'm helpless.

04 Stay With Me (feat. G-Dragon)
Composer: G-Dragon, The Fliptones, JHart
Lyrics: G-Dragon
Arrangement: The Fliptones

You have the same sad face as me
Won’t you stay with me

A-yo what’s up baby girl
You’re especially more beautiful today
How’ve you been? It’s awkward between us right now
I just wondered, everthing feels so strange
I pretend to be cool and start talking to you so you won’t be uncomfortable
The atmosphere gets better at our cute jokes
Even when I get serious sometimes, you just take it lightly
It’s funny, at some point, the wine and tea are empty
But it feels really full, there’s something
Was so lonely, you know how I feel
I’ve waited all day
You pretend to be strong on purpose to push me out
But you’re softer than anyone else, my darling darling
You have the same sad face as me
Won’t you stay with me, come to me
Your lips don’t agree but your eyes tell me you want me
Won’t you stay with me, come to me
We’re walking on the night streets just like we did before
Close enough for anyone to think we’re lovers
Dancing up on each other at a crowded club
Hey did you maybe flirt with me a little bit
You’re drunk with alcohol, I’m drunk with your eyes, nose, lips, body
Your breath that whispers in my ear paralyzes me
Now baby I will take you home
I’ll hug you tight for one last time
It was on that balcony, early in the morning
Do you remember? We waved with our hands
We were so perfect on that day
But I turn around by myself once again falling falling
You have the same sad face as me
Won’t you stay with me, come to me
Your lips don’t agree but your eyes tell me you want me
Won’t you stay with me, come to me
Let yourself stay in this moment without a word
When tonight passes, a new day will start
I only have you, you’re my only love
He don’t hesitate and just as you are, stay with me
For worse or for better
Just stay with me forever
For worse or for better
Just stay with me forever
You have the same sad face as me
Won’t you stay with me, come to me
Your lips don’t agree but your eyes tell me you want me
Won’t you stay with me, come to me

Stay With Me describes how I feel. I was in a relationship with the asshole living in the corner of Java that maybe now is so happy about himself don't mind what kind of mistake he did to someone in here! HERE WRITING SUCH A SAD THING ABOUT HERSELF IN BLOG LIKE SHE DOESN'T HAVE A FRIEND OR A MAN OR ANYTHING TO TALK TO. I hope he's happy, knowing I lost myself because of him, when he reads this (i hope he's not) he must be saying this to himself "oh, is that how important I am to you?" well in case you read this, NO! you're not. 

But, come to think of it. he must be someone i love too much (too much till I don't know is it a loyalty or a stupidity that I stayed with him and believe in all his 'sayings'). The lyrics really knock me out. You have the same sad face as me.. like well I know I cover my face with smile, but.. yes I'm sad. It's awkward when we met, I don't talk as much as I used to be in old days when we were together. But no, no, I'm not getting much beautiful haha it's stated at the lyrics. Yes, when we met, you started talking to me like nothing happens, melt my cold heart, tear down my defense wall. You build a comfortable atmosphere, letting me make jokes, i know it didn't funny at all. I was so lonely, meeting you after we break up was the biggest mistake in my life, and I keep saying lies to myself like "I won't give him a chance anymore" or "I won't meet him again in my life, even if he begs" no, even if he doesn't beg, I know I can't reject the invitation. Yes, I'm trying to be strong so that nobody can hurt me. I'm trying to be strong so that you won't look down on me. I'm trying to be strong so I can find out my personality, I don't want to live in your shadow anymore, I don't want to remember the past. I want to get back my pride, build my defense, and live a peaceful life. No one can live in the sorrow forever. No one can be truly strong at the first place. No one wants their weakness to be seen. After all, no one wants to repeat the same mistakes twice, we're not a donkey. It's all starting from a try. This song reminds me of our last affair. You know, watched movies, had a chit chat, walked down the city in the night, exchanging phone number, and you left without saying any goodbyes. 

I wanna ask, which one is better, leave without saying goodbye or saying goodbye a hundred times with a hope to come back?

Sketches

Photograph

BigBang Alive Galaxy Tour 2012

Yak! In MEIS, I talked to many people, we talked many things, from the awkward people to Big Bang stuffs. But, i didn't even know their name, we just talked, accidentally:| we didn't know each other's name but we talked like we were bestfriend who accidentally met after a long time. When BigBang songs played in the park, all the people there was singing! oooh i'd never be that happy before:') all the people there sang the song! and it felt like we were practicing together before the concert wahahahaha but there were awkward people who wear weird things like what BigBand wear, and they even had their hair colored. yaks weirrrrddddd.
at 7 o'clock in the afternoon, i got into venue. when I sat down, BigBang music videos were played in the big screen and all the people there was "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" and we sang the song together!!! it was an hour before BigBang got into the stage. at 8 o'clock in the afternoon, bigbang came to the stage and the Alive intro was played and I couldn't control myself seeing BigBang in the capsule on stage. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA i can't describe how I felt that day. It was just.... undescribable. all the happy feelings came as one. amazed, speechless, all I could do was screammmmm! screamed their name, TOP GD TaeYang SeungRi and DaeSung!!! they're more handsome and charming in real person... goshhhh. I sang, I jumped, got crazy, I danced, I got hyped since the first song till the encore. all I can say is.. BigBang really knows how to play in stage, they know how to satisy their fans, they really own the stage, they know how to take the fans' heart, they know how to let go their fans, and they know how to end the performance. It was a-m-a-z-i-n-g. i can't forget that moment. i shouldn't have.

it was the happiest moment for me everrr. ever. EVERRRRR

It's been a long time

Heyya fellas!!! Long time no posts hohohohoho
well, this is the end of 2012 and I wanna share some stories with you guys... let's see how do I start.. In september, exactly in the 19th of september, my mom had her birthday. anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! NO MATTER HOW YOU ARE, YOU ARE THE BEST MOM EVERRRRR. THANKS FOR RAISING ME AND TAKE CARE OF ME FOR THE PAS 17 YEARS. I, my dad and my sister gave her a little surprise.

uuuu how sweet:')
well let's see I just forgot to post how my birthday was fufufufu i got special gift and the most touchful gift from my bestfriendssss. and the one who made this wasssss tika! thankyou soooo muchhh, i didn't even expect the surprise though hahaha

what else? when I changed my voucher to bigbang ticket!!!!! awww it was the most ceremonial moment. I'll never forget it! the first step before seeing my idolssss. thennnnnnn the preparation for mid-test.. i thought this thing is the most unimportant thing to tell. I just got bad score. I wanted to shave all hair in the teacher's head. wtf. you know how hard it was to catched up the lesson?!!! you know how many words i have to remember??? how many things i have to think?!!! well it was passed, nothing to say about it anymore. then 13th of October!!!! it had comeeeee!! BIGBANG CAME TO INDONESIA! IT WAS A DAY! ALIVE TOURRRR woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. it was in Saturday, and it was the last day of the mid-test. and the subject was Biology and History. the night before Saturday I didn't even understand the meaning of what I read in Biology&History books. what I thought that day was about....... BigBang Alive Tour in Jakarta.... noooo goshhhhh. I was like "oh gosh, tomorrow I'll be in the same room as BigBang... breathe the same air as bigbang.. no no, I even in the same island as BigBang... they are somewhere in Jakarta... and tomorrow I will see them in real person..." all freakin thought. Yes I freak. I freak. But I bet you'll have the same thought as me the time you see your favorite idol. And in Saturday, I couldn't even concentrate in answering the test. All I thought was "man what time is it (it was 9 o'clock) man 10 hours to go" 5 minute after that "man how long the test will end??? dafuq (09:05)" and when I was at school I kept murmuring like "Guys! I'll see BigBang perform tonight! In jakarta! i can hardly waitttt" a hundred times to everyone i saw:| 

AND THEN HERE WE WERE!! IN MEIS! after the test end, I and my friend went home as fast as the speed of light. and beautify my face even though i knew a second I got to MEIS I'll sweat even more. I shower as fast as the speed of light. and at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, I arrived at MEIS. Manyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy peopleeeeeeeeeeee in there.. they waited in the line for the opening of gate. Yah..... what else I could do.. I sat there and waited to:| that was a loooong line. 

I continue the story in the next post;)